Any responsibility that is left unattended or is abandoned becomes an orphaned responsibility. It may be one of the big ones, such as the responsibility of kids, pets, plants, property, agreements, partnerships etc. Or small ones, such as time commitments, and household chore division.
Growing up I learnt to automatically take on orphaned/abandoned responsibilities others left behind and nourished them to fruition on my own. Why did I do that? The real reason may be a combination of many of these- to feel good, to be an overachiever, to truly help, to be in control, to gain approval, or simply because I was indirectly asked to? who knows? or because I didn’t believe the one who abandoned this responsibility was capable or was too stretched… so many reasons.
This has been a huge realization for me in these past few weeks, I recognized this pattern like a sharp slap across my face. When I take on others orphaned responsibilities, it comes at a cost of my own. I started to examine what motivated this pattern, this habit, of wanting to help/control, to feel like I can do it all, or how I can show others how it can be done better, to lift it and give it to them (most times they do not accept it, or acknowledge it). What I discovered behind my own exhaustion and helplessness was an intense loathing for the person who had left this responsibility unattended, as I carried their load, and they walked away uncaring (they orphaned this responsibility, so they obviously didn’t care, why was I so surprised).
So much energy spent on absolutely nothing. I have since started to practice instead to arrive at an orphaned responsibility with grace. To sit in the same space, saying nothing/doing nothing, simply observing and finding the will to say “no”, or ” not mine” and walking away, allowing the orphaned responsibility to just be. To allow anything/nothing to unfold. To re-direct my attention and energy stores on my space, my own responsibilities and to leave behind compassion, validation, and love.
Anyone else feel good about being an over achiever, the bearer of high capacity? Examine your life, are you picking up orphaned responsibilities at home, school, work, community? Why? What would happen if you said no?