We are taught as young kids to be “nice”, to our friends, adults, cashiers, teachers and the list goes on. This is in fact a huge flaw and a set up for years of unlearning. If instead we are taught to understand kindness and how it feels to be kind to ourselves and to others, this trait may result in less suffering and furthers authenticity.
I read somewhere, this person was taking a trip from the northern States of the US, to the southern states. They discovered that people in the south were very nice. Southern hospitality and all that. People were polite and said all the nice things to make them feel welcome, but when it came down to the grit of things, Southerners were nice, but not kind. When this same person travelled north to New York, they found that while most people were not nice, even seemingly impolite and grumpy, they were kind and truly helpful when help was needed.
Being nice stems in self-centeredness, wanting to be liked and winning others over by saying and doing the socially acceptable things and gestures, without actually doing anything to help the other person. Being nice is thought to come from fear. The fear of being alone, not liked, rejected, abandoned or too different from the norm.
Kindness on the other hand is selfless, and pivots on loving ourselves and others. With kindness we can authentically help others in making their lives better, and in turn allowing love to flow.
So today ask yourself, are you a kind person, or a nice person. More importantly, ask yourself why you choose one over the other. Then look at your circle of friends, are they nice or kind? Ask why you choose them in your life, what does that fulfill for you? Ask also, can you be kind more often than just “nice”?