How many times have we had an internal emotional itch and have looked for an external scratching post to calm the feeling of confusion and unrest?
What I mean by this is, often when we feel an inner emotional yearning stemming from anxiety or fear (lower mind activity), we immediately reach out to the closest loved one (or complete stranger in a grocery store line-up) and use them as a scratching post to quench the internal itch. This behavior not only continues the inner anxious fearful feeling, but also annoys/hurts another human in our outer realm. Its like trying to relieve an itchy mosquito bite on our body by scratching/itching at something/someone else. Its not uncommon however for this unhelpful behavior pattern to become an unhealthy habit in the long run.
The inner anxious feelings cannot be quenched externally. Several external techniques are usually tried such as running away from it, blaming others, yelling at others, turning to inappropriate use of sex, drugs, alcohol, manipulating/controlling material objects or loved ones, constantly changing persona/looks/life situations. In the end none of these have the capacity to calm that inner feeling of unrest.
Its only when we turn inward (higher mind activity) toward the feeling, recognize its presence, validate that it does exist, own it as ours, and bring love, compassion and acceptance toward it, that it starts to abate and calm down. This capacity of self-regulation while not often taught, can be practiced to self-soothe, self-nurture the big and small internal turmoil and unrest.
While leaning on loved ones for support and suggestions is always a great idea when done in combination with methods of self-regulation. Using loved ones as a scratching post to calm our own feelings never works out in anyone’s favor.
Thoughts? comments?