I recently listened to a fantastic webcast by Dr. Gabor Mate’, wherein he talks about healthy boundaries, what they represent and how to set them. He likens a healthy boundary to our immune system, where this is the personal protection from toxicity. If our immune system were to breakdown, our physical body would be exposed to several toxins that would take advantage of it. Similar to this, if we do not set healthy personal, emotional, mental, material, physical and spiritual boundaries, we are bound to allow in toxicity that will simple take advantage of us in each realm. Dr. Mate’ goes on to say “question yourself where in your life you have a hard time saying no”.
A friend who is seriously addressing life-long alcohol addiction, described how when they are around certain family members or in situations with these individuals, they simple want to hit the bottle, so to speak. We realized then, these were the exact people in their life that they needed to say “no” to, and set healthy boundaries with.
Its easy said than done, we create unconscious patterns with family members and continue to dance to this tune until we wake up. When we realize the dance is toxic and no matter how much we hurt us or them, this will not grow the love we truly seek, we must stop, say no and set the much needed healthy boundary.
Setting a healthy boundary, much like forgiveness, can honestly be done with full love and kindness. “I will send you love and light, but I will not allow you into my life”. Here are some ways to set healthy boundaries-
- Say “no” when you want to say “no“.
- Be ok to lose those humans who will not understand or disrespect and question your “no”.
- Know that when they disrespect your “no” or question it, you have hit their upper limit of growth, not yours. Read that again.
- Just because it is “urgent” for them, doesn’t mean it should become “urgent” for you.
- Stay true to yourself, to your heart, to your inner voice, no matter how lonely your life feels for a while.
- Know that if you set the intention to be surrounded by humans who truly love you, care for your wellbeing, respect your life and needs, support your dreams and creations, choose to be around you, and are available to you; all the Universe will conspire to bring them to you, be patient and keep setting those healthy boundaries.
Thoughts, comments?