Having been labelled an “Angry person” growing up, I simply played the part, not believing that I could change. I mean, that was the label I was given by people I trusted. As I grew older, I learnt, there is no such thing as an “angry person”, I learnt that I was a person, feeling intense anger and that I was choosing to spill this anger out onto others. I was hurting, and wanted others to hurt.
In a fully aware moment, I stood back and observed myself, I was intensely angry, I had made myself large, loud and intimidating. The person at the end of my anger, a little loved one, was cowering in a corner, terrified of her mother. That moment is etched in my brain. Instead of replacing anger with shame, as often happens, in this moment of clarity, I stopped immediately, picked up my scared/confused child and held her close, and made a promise to myself that I would work very hard to change so I would NEVER treat ANYONE else with this form of intense intimidation and angry reaction.
In reading the book “Taming the tiger within- by Buddhist monk Thich naht hanh, I learnt to use meditation to cool my angry emotion, by first understanding why I was angry, identifying what I was feeling, and taking the time to listen to all those hateful angry hurtful words in my mind that I wanted so much to lash out at the other, because I was hurting. I learnt to validate my hurt, to calm my heavy emotions that came up due to the hurt feelings, and to find calm words to communicate to the other person on how their choices have caused me to feel hurt and experience heavy emotions.
While not easy, with a lot of practice, I can happily say, now when I do feel anger (yes, that emotion will always be there), I recognize I am feeling angry, and go through the process of taming my inner tiger, and finding the calm and honest words of communication that help both me and the other understand the whole situation with acceptance and love.
While not everyone in my life understands this calm around anger, I am happy with the relationship I have developed with my anger. I can quickly become aware of the feelings of irritation or anger bubbling up and start the process of putting out the fire first (usually by engaging in some form of meditation, which is simply turning inward).
So if you have been labelled an “angry person” by yourself, or another; take it from me- you are simply a person, feeling anger– you do not need to spill this anger to hurt anyone else or yourself. You can learn to calm the heavy emotion, calm the hurtful feelings, and communicate with love and acceptance.
Thoughts?